Having candid conversations now about finances, healthcare and estate planning when parents are well ensures that you can honor their wishes if they are unable to express their wishes. This is the clear message from the article “How to Have ‘The Talk’ With Your Parents: The Financial Discussion You Can’t Avoid Forever” from Investopedia.
Start From a Place of Love
You’ll want to ensure that they understand that the discussion comes from a place of love and respect. Inform them that you would like to know this information in the event of an emergency requiring your assistance with finances or medical care. It can be helpful to share your own estate planning and care wishes first. Questions such as whether they have a will or a trust, and have named someone to act on their behalf if incapacitated through a durable financial power of attorney or power of attorney for healthcare, also need to be answered.
Starting the conversation can be challenging in some families. Not everyone is comfortable talking about money or contemplating the end of life. It’s important to realize that The Conversation should be open-ended and ongoing. Don’t expect to cover everything at once. However, knowing their wishes and having them documented will protect them and your family.
If it helps, start by telling them how much you appreciate the care they took with you and your siblings. Express your own wishes to do the same for them when the time comes. The goal is to let them know your intent is to care for them.
What You Need to Know
How Do They Pay Their Bills?
You’ll want to know how they pay their bills. Are they still mailing checks or have they moved to online bill paying? Ask them to share as much information as possible, so you can take on these tasks if needed. Are most bills paid monthly, or are their some quarterly, bi-annual, or annual payments? This will also give you insight into their monthly expenses.
What Are Their Income Sources?
Ask them about their income, which could be prickly for some seniors. You may need to reassure them that this is so you can help in an emergency. Most seniors receive payments from Social Security, and may have pensions, retirement accounts and other sources of recurring income. If they have safe deposit boxes, ensure that you know where they are located and where the key is stored. Banks seal safe deposit boxes upon the death of the owner, for example, however, if you are a joint owner, you may still be able to access the contents.
Have They Appointed Agents to Act on Their Behalf?
Discussing healthcare emergencies and one’s wishes in the event of incapacity is a tough conversation. However, it is very important. How do they want their finances handled if they are unable to do so? Who do they want to oversee their health care decisions, and what are their wishes for end-of-life care?
Do They Have Estate Planning Documents, and When Were They Updated?
Do they have a will, and when was it last updated? Where is it located, and who prepared it for them? Did they have power of attorney and health care power of attorney documents prepared? Ask whether they have a living will or advance directive, which clarifies their wishes for end-of-life care. Contact information for their estate planning attorney, CPA and financial advisor should be shared.
What Are Their Long-Term Care Preferences?
Long-term care also needs to be discussed. Everyone wants to remain in their own home for as long as possible. However, a time often comes when aging parents need the care provided in an assisted living facility or a nursing home. Do they have long-term care insurance? Has any Medicaid planning been done?
Last Wishes
Finally, what do they want to happen upon their death? If they brush off your questions, try revisiting the conversation another time. Or ask them to put their wishes in writing and share the location of the document so it can be found and read when the time comes.
Discussing these serious subjects is easier for some families than for others. Beginning “The Talk” can avoid confusion during an emergency and fighting among family members during difficult times. It’s worth the effort for all concerned.
Help is Available
ConversationReadyNTX.com is a helpful local organization with ideas and resources to help you get the conversation started. They share free, printable guides including:
- The Conversation Starter Guide
- The What Matters to Me Workbook
- Your Guide for Talking with a Healthcare Team
- Your Guide to Choosing a Health Care Proxy
We are also here to help. Contact our office to get started with your parents estate planning or your own. Book a call today.
Reference: Investopedia (July 7, 2025) “How to Have ‘The Talk’ With Your Parents: The Financial Discussion You Can’t Avoid Forever”
